Utah

so
as i was getting ready for the day
that means
showering
flossing
brushing
cleaning
etc

i was encountered by my brother
who proceeded with questioning me about my activities
like it's something u don't do in the morning...
i answered by telling him i'm getting ready for the day
as he looked at me in a peculiar manner
i realized that
maybe i'm doing something that is actually new york in nature
after all
i did wake up quite early MST
which i find that most people actually wake up past the afternoon hour at my humble home
and it is safe to say most people in utah don't get "ready" until the afternoon hour
i asked him
why my activities were peculiar
and he thought i was going out
which again was strange to me
of course this common every day routine happened even before i went to new york
but of course new york has added even more to the rigger
but what i find interesting is the fact of
getting ready
equates to going out in utah
of course in new york it is quite the same

meaning u get ready to go out
but in new york
something as mundane as getting something from the corner stone
is met with a full on morning routine in terms of getting ready
so
systematically if one is to think of it

utah goes out when it's time to go out
in new york you are out all the time

so people tend to
let themselves go until it is time to go out
of course when one doesn't have much
things to go out to
this would lead to more letting go

which in new york is vice versa

as such
i've concluded that the reason utah is the fattest state in the US
and fucking boring

is because the people are lazy assholes.

Van Dy

PS WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DAMN LOTION and MOUTH WASH AROUND HERE!?

friends

i need new friends

approaching

the past few days

a thought has been nagging at me

it has to do with self esteem and paranoia

a little background

i've never been extremely comfortable with myself. be it my skin tone or weight, or w/e

i've never 100% been comfortable with myself

especially right after graduation when i went through depression

i never felt so shitty about myself

i gained weight

etc etc

but around Feb when I went to Paris

instead of being the victim, and what is worse, accepting i was the victim to the forces of life

i

decided to take control of my life.

and i lost all the weight

and all that good stuff

and gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities.

now that new sense of self being still resonates in me. and i have the confidence to make friends with anyone i want.

but

this new self confidence still doesn't radiate when i'm in the presence of someone i would like to approach

on the first date I have that confidence

but when I have to approach a guy it's different.

but i never have this issue if i want to approach someone as friends.

but this problem

like any problem in my right

i use my cognitive scorpio powers of will power and understanding of the universe to solve it

and this thought has be the antidote to the problem

i'm young

i'm cute and stylish

I have a nicer body

and one day... I'll be old.

And so what if I'm younger.

One day I'll be as old as him.

And I won't be young.

I need to exploit my youth

but not be slutty.

Keep my values in mind.

But gain companions.

basically

i'm young and i'll be rejected by tons of people

but you never know

plus i prob won't be rejected

cuz i'm Van

shit son.