Saturday, November 8, 2008
the past few days
a thought has been nagging at me
it has to do with self esteem and paranoia
a little background
i've never been extremely comfortable with myself. be it my skin tone or weight, or w/e
i've never 100% been comfortable with myself
especially right after graduation when i went through depression
i never felt so shitty about myself
i gained weight
but around Feb when I went to Paris
instead of being the victim, and what is worse, accepting i was the victim to the forces of life
decided to take control of my life.
and i lost all the weight
and all that good stuff
and gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities.
now that new sense of self being still resonates in me. and i have the confidence to make friends with anyone i want.
this new self confidence still doesn't radiate when i'm in the presence of someone i would like to approach
on the first date I have that confidence
but when I have to approach a guy it's different.
but i never have this issue if i want to approach someone as friends.
but this problem
like any problem in my right
i use my cognitive scorpio powers of will power and understanding of the universe to solve it
and this thought has be the antidote to the problem
i'm cute and stylish
I have a nicer body
and one day... I'll be old.
And so what if I'm younger.
One day I'll be as old as him.
And I won't be young.
I need to exploit my youth
but not be slutty.
Keep my values in mind.
But gain companions.
i'm young and i'll be rejected by tons of people
but you never know
plus i prob won't be rejected
cuz i'm Van